Helping Your Son Succeed in Limudei Kodesh

Tips from Rebbeim in our local elementary school Yeshiva for boys.

The Rebbe Relationship

The Yeshiva system is based on the centrality of the Rebbe’s role.  Typically, for Limudei Kodesh, there is no co-teacher or assistant, even in Pre1A, for this is a one-man show.  The underlying premise is that the most effective transmission of the Mesora comes when students have a deep respect, and even awe, of their teacher.  As we know, Limudei Kodesh is about transmitting our heritage and the attitudes of our forefathers, rather than merely about teaching intellectual concepts.

Getting Individual Attention From Rebbe

While the Rebbeim’s goal is to reach each child during class time, realistically, a boy might not be able to speak to the Rebbe each class.  Recess, snack time, and lunch are times when boys may approach the Rebbe and interact with him individually.  Parents may also send the Rebbe a note asking him to “reach out” to their son, should their son feel neglected or under-appreciated.

Maintaining Contact with the Rebbe

During orientation, which is usually scheduled the first week of school, the Rebbe provides parents with his contact information.  Some Rebbeim provide their personal cell phone number; others prefer to be contacted through the office.  Parents also may leave a voicemail message on the Rebbe’s “mailbox”.  If within a day or two, you do not hear from him, ask the Yeshiva office staff to let the Rebbe know that you are trying to reach him.  Not all Rebbeim use the voicemail system, but all are reachable.

Parents tend to call their son’s Rebbe when challenges arise.  It is also beneficial to regularly contact the Rebbe simply to discuss a boy’s overall progress.  This can be helpful to your son even when he is doing fine, since the Rebbe might suggest ways to enhance your son’s social, academic, or spiritual growth. Parents may call the Rebbe early in the school year and ask how often he prefers to hear from them.  It is always healthy for a child’s performance in and out of school, when both the Rebbe and the Talmid know that the parents are involved in the Chinuch process.

Aside from problem-solving calls and progress checks, Rebbeim greatly appreciate positive, specific messages about what their Talmidim are gaining from their class.

Commiserate—But Don’t Judge

Boys may come home upset about something that happened in school or even with their Rebbe.  Parents should listen and sympathize, but realize that a child’s perception may not be a reliable report.  It is appropriate to tell one’s child that a parent will call Rebbe in order to hear his view of what occurred.  It is advisable to contact the Rebbe in a private location away from children.  The boy’s anger or frustration may be based on a misconception.  There is often another side to the story.  It is possible that the Rebbe might have made a mistake in the fast-paced classroom environment.  Regardless of the particular situation, you and your child should always communicate respectfully with the Rebbe.  Otherwise, even when the issue is resolved, the Rebbe/Talmid relationship may be damaged and the boy will most likely not gain as much from his Chinuch in Yeshiva.

Similarly, when parents are distressed with their son’s test scores or report card grades, the wise thing to do is to speak privately to the Rebbe, rather than to express these concerns in the presence of their son.

Feeling Safe in Yeshiva

 The Yeshiva staff tries hard to create an environment in which children feel safe.  Parents should encourage their sons to tell an adult (a Rebbe, a principal, or a staff member) if they feel threatened in any way.  This includes bullying or teasing in class or anywhere in the school.  Rebbeim take these kinds of issues very seriously.  The complex dynamics of the classroom can prevent the Rebbe from perceiving a negative interaction, even when it takes place in front of him.   Children tend to think that Rebbe saw what happened but the Rebbe’s attention may have been focused elsewhere.   Therefore, parents and children should never assume that Rebbe knew what happened and deliberately ignored it.

Chazara

Chazara, review, is an integral part of the Yeshiva boy’s learning process.  From Pre1A when the boys review their Aleph – Bais through the junior high school years when they review their Gemara, Chazara is always essential.  This process should ideally be with an adult to ensure that the boy is repeating his lesson correctly.  Chazara should be a peaceful process.  If parents find that Chazara is causing tension and resentment for any reason, they need to contact the Rebbe.  He may provide tips to ease the process or perhaps create an individualized homework plan for the child.

Although many parents are able to review the Chumash or Mishnah without the aid of Teitch (translation) sheets, Rebbeim prefer that they use them.   Younger boys may become confused if they hear one translation from their parent and another in class from the Rebbe.

The Father’s Role

It can be highly beneficial for a boy when his father spends time learning with him.  Optimally, the father should supervise the Chazara with his son.  If this is not feasible, it is still helpful for the father to learn something regularly with his son, even if it is not the material being covering in Yeshiva.  This is beneficial only if the learning is done in a pleasant and encouraging way.  If a child resists this kind of learning, the parents should consult with Rebbe or Menahel for suggestions.

Coming Prepared for Yeshiva

Most of the Rebbeim who were interviewed for this article emphasized how important it is that boys come to Yeshiva equipped with everything they need.  Necessary supplies include pencils, pens, school books, homework, lunch and snacks. It is highly critical that each student has all of these elements, which serve as a basis for successful learning, health and socialization. This also includes being provided with the appropriate winter clothing: coat, gloves, etc.  Note: During half days (Fridays, Sundays, and legal holidays) boys are most likely to omit bringing supplies.

 Sleep

A child who has not slept enough is a challenged child.  This is especially true for those boys who have difficulty in maintaining appropriate conduct through a long school day.   It has been documented that the symptoms of sleep deprivation in children are almost identical to the symptoms of ADD/ADHD.  If you are unsure as to what bedtime is appropriate, feel free to ask Rebbe for some guidelines.

Breakfast

Rebbeim can often tell if a boy had breakfast in the morning and if it was a satisfying one.  One Rebbe noticed that when boys had dry cereal for breakfast they became hungry again earlier than those who had eaten bread or toast.  Consider a variety of wholesome foods for this vitally important meal and take into account the hours until snack and lunchtime.  .

Neatness

When a boy arrives in school with his shirt tucked in and everything in place with his attire, he is ready to learn.  It tends to be harder for a boy who looks and feels like a mess to focus on his learning.

Punctuality

When children arrive late for class, the problem is beyond his disrupting the other boys’ learning.  It is also frustrating for the boy himself, as he feels that he is behind, that he has missed something, and that he cannot keep up with the class.

In Conclusion: Cultivate Trust in the Yeshiva—Also Listen to Your Son

Parents ideally should select a Yeshiva whose Hashkafa they share, and whose implementation approach they agree with.  Once they have selected the right Yeshiva for their child, it is easier on the Yeshiva, the child, and the parents, if the parents relax and let the Yeshiva perform its Chinuch role.  Getting “from here” to “there”, i.e. from the little boy in Pre 1A to the junior Bochur applying to Mesivta may be a long bumpy road, but the Yeshiva is experienced in leading all different types of children through this journey.

On the other hand, parents must listen to their child and be aware of anything that is bothering him.  This does not mean that they should take everything he says at face value, but rather that they should keep an open line of communication with their son.  This way, they can bring perceived problems immediately to the attention of the Rebbeim/Menahelim, and have them dealt with expeditiously.

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