Preparing for Shabbos is in an integral part of the Shabbos experience. Shalom Bayis, among parents and between parents and children, is an essential component of the preparation process. This article discusses constructive approaches, tips and strategies to smooth the process of getting everything ready in time for candle lighting
Establishing Family Priorities
Should the family find that tensions often rise on Friday, they may need to rethink their Shabbos preparation and look at the broad picture of how they want their Shabbos to look and feel. It is good to begin the discussion between the parents, and then to seek out the viewpoints of the older children. Once the family has agreed about what is important to them, they can openly and explicitly discuss how to attain the Shabbos they desire. It may be necessary for family members to forego something in order to have some of their preferences met.
For example, it often makes sense to reduce the time spent preparing Shabbos food by using simpler recipes, cutting down on variety, or cooking ahead and freezing. Moreover, there may not be enough time on Friday afternoon to completely tidy or clean the house in time for candle lighting. If finances allow, one method for “making” more time is to hire help or to purchase prepared foods.
The atmosphere in the home should not be compromised. Shabbos preparation should be joyful, with everyone pitching in the best possible way they can. If family members are not “on the same page”, it is better to cut down on the preparation than to allow resentment to build.
While mother may enjoy preparing elaborate recipes in honor of the Shabbos, it is a good idea for her to monitor whether this is coming at the expense of spending time with the children during the week. Parents may also want to ask themselves whether they are exhausting themselves in their enthusiasm to prepare Shabbos and falling asleep at the meal.
Rethinking Shabbos Preparation
A family conference or one-on-one meetings with the children may help identify bottlenecks, less necessary tasks, and stress points. Once parents better understand the dynamics of their family, they are able to create a plan to smooth Shabbos preparation, drawing perhaps on some of the tips and strategies outlined below. The entire family may be more willing to pitch in if they understand the general strategy and priorities. The plan may need to be updated as conditions change, such as a parent taking on longer hours at work or a more complicated car pool.
Including the Family in Shabbos Preparation
Responsibility for running the household and for “making Shabbos” tends to fall on the mother. A working father may not be able to do more than set up the candles when he arrives home on Friday. It may be best to discuss this and reach a realistic agreement, rather than expecting more than he can give. The husband should be realistic, too, and expect less in terms of the Shabbos food or the condition of the house.
On the other hand, it is important for the children’s chinuch to involve them in Shabbos preparation, even if their help is not needed, in order to include them in the Shabbos experience, to teach them life skills, and to inculcate the habit of helping. Tasks that are often appropriate for children include peeling vegetables, picking up toys, stacking books, taking out garbage, folding laundry, vacuuming floors, and wiping surfaces. It is better for a child’s chinuch if his or her involvement in Shabbos preparation takes place only in a harmonious atmosphere. Otherwise, it is better that the child(ren) entertain themselves quietly and stay away from the tension.
Working with each family member’s strengths and preferences makes this easier. Erev Shabbos is probably not the time to “stretch” children by asking them to perform tasks they dislike or to work with siblings with whom they do not get along. It is important to be realistic about what little children can do by themselves. They may be willing to clean up their toys, for example, but it might not happen unless mother works with them. Singing Shabbos songs or playing music sets a nice atmosphere.
Incentives are also useful—if everyone is showered and ready half hour before Shabbos, they get a treat, for example. The treat need not be food: children appreciate a relaxed mother spending the time after candle lighting reading a story or playing a game.
Food Strategies
Most time saving tips involve cooking the food ahead of time. Nearly anything that is cooked or baked will keep for most of the week if stored in airtight conditions in the back of the refrigerator away from the opening and closing door, although it is preferable to cook at the latter part of the week to increase the shelf life of leftovers. Using twist-tie plastic bags works well and makes the food more compact to store in the fridge. Make sure to label the food “For Shabbos Only” if other family members might consume it.
The Freezer
Some women find it worthwhile to cook or bake large quantities of challah or chicken soup on Sundays to stock the freezer. Another way to stock the freezer is to double recipes and freeze the extra. Leftover cake or dessert may be frozen right after Shabbos. Most baked goods: challah, cake, cookies and kugels freeze very well; however, potato kugel is best defrosted for an hour or more in the oven.
There may be family members who object to eating food from the freezer. In such cases, it might be worthwhile to determine the cause. Some possible reasons may be that the wrong foods are being frozen, the food is not defrosted the right way, or the freezer may have taken on a stale odor that transfers to stored food. Cleaning out the freezer is helpful, as is inserting a package of baking soda and changing it regularly.
Keeping Stocked
It is very useful to keep a few items in the freezer, the pantry, or the fridge, such as gefilte fish, frozen chicken and cholent meat. canned and frozen vegetables, grape juice, challah, etc. These may be pressed into service if there is no time to shop for Shabbos that week.
Emergency Fridays happen, whether it’s a child landing in the emergency room or a parent stuck in traffic. It is useful to work out in advance which foods to draw on from the freezer, the fridge, or the pantry in such circumstances. Soup may be defrosted, gefilte fish taken from a jar, potatoes from a can, and salad created from frozen or canned vegetables at the last minute.
Lists and Planning
Permanent Lists
There are tasks that need to be accomplished every Shabbos. The family may create lists, one for each room or one for each member, which may be stored on the computer and printed regularly. If a list is shared among the family, everyone must check off their tasks as they finish them. A great advantage of a detailed list is that it allows people to use even very short bits of time productively. For example, five spare minutes before going to carpool, may be used to open cans or take foods from the freezer.
Weekly Lists
Many women find that planning Shabbos menus on Sunday or Monday increases their efficiency. Once the menu is determined, recipes may be checked and shopping lists created for each of the that stores the family uses. It is useful to maintain a small notebook with a page for each day of the week. This way, the different tasks involved in preparing for the Shabbos may be jotted down days in advance. Such a list is more realistic if the time needed for different tasks, including recipes, are noted. It is helpful to work out in advance when various tasks need to be done, rather than having to think this through while harried.
This technique works best if the family knows early in the week whether they are having company. Guests may be invited over a week in advance and confirmed early in the week to facilitate planning. Alternatively, mother may use a few items from the freezer or the pantry for the guests.
Time Management
Partner with a Friend
Friends may agree to each making double quantities of foods such as cake, kugels, or challah and trading the extra. This allows each family to have more variety for Shabbos. Another technique is to shop for each other, provided that accounts are easily kept separate (using school scrip may help). One partner may handle Kosher Konnection, for example, while the other takes care of Costco.
Focus
Fridays run smoothest when they are used for Shabbos preparation rather than doctors’ appointments, errands, etc. (This is not always practical, we realize, if children are only available on Friday afternoon).
Shabbos Clothing
It is a good idea to do laundry earlier in the week so that it is available in time for changing into before Shabbos. When bringing Shabbos clothes to the dry cleaner, jot down the pickup date on a calendar or to-do list. Otherwise, someone may find themselves without a suit minutes before Shabbos.
Bath/Shower Strategies
While it’s nicer to get clean on Erev Shabbos, it pays during the winter months to have younger children take their Shabbos bath on Thursday night. Mother or older children may find it more convenient to rise a little early on Friday mornings to shower. Those who bathed/showered the night before may give themselves a quick refresh before Shabbos. This avoids the bathroom bottleneck and running out of hot water on Erev Shabbos.
Tidying
Surfaces can be cleared on Thursday or even Wednesday evening. If the kitchen tablecloth is changed for Shabbos, it may be changed on Friday morning to avoid a last minute rush.
Polishing silver may be a task to eliminate for families that are often strapped for time. The silver may be put away for when life gets easier, or it may be coated with a tarnish resistant film (rhodium-ized).
While children are able to sweep, most kids enjoy using a Swiffer to clean floors. Lysol wipes may be used with gloves to wipe down countertops. Children may be taught to use a damp mop (skip the bucket) to give the kitchen floor a last minute touchup.
Using Thursday
While many women prepare Shabbos food on other days of the week, Thursday is usually the main time for preparing for Shabbos aside from Friday. For some parents, staying up very late on Thursdays works best, giving them peace of mind by the time they go to bed; for others, it pays to go to bed earlier and wake up early on Friday.
It is best to accomplish some Shabbos preparation on Thursday, even if one is very busy that day, to simplify the logistics of the stove and oven. Certain food preparation tasks, like soup or gefilte fish or roasts do not require much work but do tie up a flame or the oven for extensive periods of time. The chicken may be defrosted, cleaned, and processed on Thursday night, spend the night in fridge, and go straight into the oven on Friday afternoon. Similarly, a raw cholent may sit refrigerated in the crock pot insert overnight.
Thursday’s supper may be coordinated with Shabbos preparation. For example, mother may prepare a large batch of mashed potatoes, some of which will be used to make knishes for Shabbos. Fresh soup chicken or vegetables might work as Thursday’s supper if these are not generally served on Shabbos. Vegetables may be boiled for supper and made into kugel for Shabbos. While many families serve something simple and milchig on Thursdays, working only with fleishig simplifies kitchen management.
Starting Early on Friday
Start early on Friday morning to get things going: cleaning the chicken, making the challah dough, setting up the soup, or cooking the gefilte fish. Anything that will not be undone should be done early in the day: e.g. pre-Shabbos phone calls, laying out Shabbos clothing, setting Shabbos clocks, pre-opening food, beverages or paper goods, or setting up the candles. Setting the table in advance works for some families even if children rearrange things a little.
Setting a Firm Deadline
Mother may decide that no recipes are started two hours before Shabbos. This may necessitate leaving items off the menu or taking foods from the freezer, but it sets a limit to food preparation and allows the family to wind down the cooking and begin the cleanup. Sticking to such a policy also conveys a message to the family about priorities.
Simplify Ruthlessly
A family that finds Shabbos preparation demanding should consider stripping down preparation to bare essentials. Parents may determine a very simple menu: no kugels, leave out a course, strictly one vegetable—and stick to this regime. This may be the best way to manage when there is a new baby or during the years when there are many small children in the house and no help. Supplementing the regular menu with a treat each Shabbos allows parents to add a little “wow factor” to the meals.
Conclusion
Preparing Shabbos is a spiritual experience for the entire family. When a family reshapes their Erev Shabbos by communicating, identifying bottlenecks, creating a plan, and implementing it, they strengthen their observance of Shabbos and their relationships. The skills and optimism generated by this process are useful when encountering other challenges in the future.